The Fallen King

As he slowly opened his eyes, they were hit with a barrage of visuals his brain couldn't process. He was wearing his Gold Armor, the one he always wore to the Battlefield. His forehead felt crusty, must be  the dried sandalwood paste. His head felt heavy, not so much from his Gold Crown as much from the excruciating headache. Where was he? This was not his Court, not even his Kingdom. He closed his eyes to block the light and try to make sense of things. He tried moving his arms and realized they were restrained. Both of them. He was crucified. There he stood in all his regalia but shackled to a giant cross. Furious rage welled up in him and as he opened his mouth to bellow an earth-shattering scream, he realized he was not alone. To his either side, stood two other men. Shackled, crucified just like him. The King stood crucified not between two thieves but his own kin. To his right, stood his Brother, a Giant among Men, the Scourge of his Enemies. To his left stood his Valiant Son, the Conqueror of Gods. Both stood with their heads hung low, their spirits crushed, reduced to vacant shells of their former selves. In that instant, the king realized where he was.

He remembered the fateful battle. The most magnificent display of martial skill, brutality, might and honor the world had ever seen. God himself had descended upon Earth to take on the King. The Rapture was upon us. Armies of men, demons, animals and halflings crashed onto each other like waves, and the ground shook as if it would split apart any second and the seas churned with blood and bodies. And as the dust began to settle,  the King realized, the Final Hour was here. His mighty army had fallen, his brother, his prince defeated, his Kingdom burnt to ashes and before him stood his would-be vanquisher. The blue skinned God-King of the North. They lunged upon each other with the promise that only one would be left standing. Their rage emanating from them in thunderous guttural roars and metallic clashes of broken weapons.Those who watched grimaced in terror and awe. The King fought with the strength of ten but the God-King was a God after all and a God only dies if he wishes to. He did not today. For today would be a parable of the Just prevailing over Evil. The God-King asked if he had any last wish? The King said that was between him and his maker. The God-King half-smiled at the irony and then the God-King let lose his most potent and divine weapon. As it whizzed through the air, the King realized this was the end. History would say he was on the wrong, the path of Evil. But all he could remember was a dishonored sister, avenged. Was that evil? The weapon thrust itself deep into his chest and the darkness of death engulfed him.

The King opened his eyes. He was still shackled to the cross, but he knew why. Death was not punishment enough. Evil had to die year after year, for millennia upon millennia. And he symbolized Evil.

The sky had turned dark. A crowd had gathered. They dressed differently but their faces were the same. they could have been his subjects. Suddenly loud drums began to beat, he could sense restlessness in the air, the crowd slowly parted and the God-King appeared accompanied by his brother and his Halfling devotee. The crowd cheered for their heroes. But wait, this was no God-King. This was an imposter. A painted up clown. The King sighed and accepted that in this day and age, there would be no worthier adversary than this clown. They went for his brother first. The first arrow from the False God-King, hit his brother right in the head and his body erupted in flames and then fireworks. The crowd cheered and hailed the God-King. The King felt the same pain in his heart as he did when he first saw his brother die. Then the False God-King's brother hurled an arrow at his son. The crowd cheered louder as the heir to his throne, the blood of his blood and the beat of his heart burned to a crisp. His eyes welled up first in agony, then in anger. He surveyed the crowd. What was the meaning of this farce if they learned nothing. These half humans who feared and detested anyone, a hair different from them. How different were they from him? Were they not making the same mistakes he did? Did they know that there was respect even among adversaries, as there was between the God-King and him. These mortals who would rather see blood than reason. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone! The final arrow caught him in the chest and he burst into flames of different hues. The crowd had not seen such a fine display of fireworks till then and could not stop whistling, cheering and clapping. The King knew he would be back again the next year. The same farce would play out. As the last of him burnt away, he looked towards the heavens and asked the God-King, grant your people the wisdom to choose love over hate, that is my last wish. 

Sunday

Sunday is an Illusion

Sunday is a Mirage
Sunday does not exist

Sunday is the rickshaw that wont stop for you because its done for the day and it's going home

Sunday is the graveyard where weekends go to die.

Sunday is the Princess Lieia hologram message from Star wars (It's not real)
Sunday is Bruce Willis from The Sixth Sense (It was dead the whole time)
Sunday is Nicole Kidman from The Others (It's a pale,cold-hearted, suicidal Bitch and it was dead the whole time)
Sunday is Pre-Monday.. No

Sunday is Monday

Sunday is everything Friday is not.
Sunday is.. no Sunday is always was.

Monday,Tuesday,Wednesday,Thursday,Friday,Saturday,Monday.

Sunday, What Sunday?


THE END

PS:
People who say they like to relax on Sunday mornings with their copy of the Times and a nice relaxing cuppa can go screw themselves.
People who start checking and sending work emails on Sunday evenings can go screw themselves
People who use the word "cuppa" can go screw themselves.

Any day now...

It will be remembered as that single moment. That one moment on that one day when everyone will stop what they were doing. They will all pause, their steps still hanging, their thoughts incomplete. There will be total and uniform realization. They will look around in disbelief, some unsure whether this is real. A few will break down and cry. But then there be action. Unanimous, certain and purposeful. Life will stop. People will fill up cars and trucks with food and clean water. Cities will lie deserted save for a few non believers and cowards. The caravans laden with tonnes of food will head for the villages.

And people in the villages, the hungry , the desolate, who have no reason to believe in humanity, god or other  such folktales, will pick up their ears.  They will not know what to make of it. Some  will ask what took them so long. Some amazed at how obvious it should have been . They will run outside their mud houses and witness a miracle.  A day when the satiated, lucky and ingrates decided that we can no longer go on oblivious to the what is around us. And the caravans will arrive with food and water. And the hungry of the world will be fed and their thirst quenched. And from that day and for forever on, man will be aware, unshackled and with sight.

Arjun goes to Janpath

One day after I finally get to go back to India for a visit , I will wake up at around nine and think about how waking up in India is different from waking up in the US. It is not some emotional sap, it just is. You know it. It is a fact. I will  get dressed and ask my brother how to get to Janpath, cause frankly I have forgotten how to. I will then board whatever bus number (I am thinking 522) he tells me to (I also can't drive in Delhi cause I have never driven in India) and get off near the last stop on K.G Marg, and nudge my way through the by-lane that houses several halwais and second hand book sellers to emerge in what is  Janpath , The people's lane. I will promptly cross the road jump the divider, cross the road again and reach the busting market where every college kid in the city  gets their clothes from. I will squeeze my way through the crowd, all the youngsters yelling "Bhaiyya, yeh to chori hai" and the shopkeepers  saying "Boni nahi hui, to kum kaise kar sakte hai" and walk to the guy I used to go to when I was a broke college kid and ask him how much for a pair of jeans. Then when he tells me the price, the enormity of the truth of how long I have been away will hit me like a lightning bolt and I will fall down on the ground laughing, like a crazy person. 

Raavanan - the Trilingual

TAMIL 

(RAAVANAN)

HINDI

And now also in ENGLISH..

Ah man.. too funny, I am too funny!!

Absolutely useless trivia

...but stuff that establishes my movie geek cred.

So I saw agent Vinod, was ok, though I found it didnt get me as involved as I thought it would. Sriram Raghavan coming off Ek Haseena Thi and Johnny Gaddar is without doubt one of the talented few working in bollywood today. He got to hone his skills on TV, among the many shows he worked on includes CID. I have wrote about this before about how he puts people from CID in all his movies.

Like he put Inspector Abhijeet in his first movie, Ek Haseena Thi as the conniving lawyer

And Asha & Daya play important roles in Johnny Gaddar. Ashwini Kelsekar aka Sub-Inspector Asha is fantastic in the movie btw.

So for his biggest movie to date, Agent Vinod, who does Mr.Raghavan rope in? Dr.Salunke, ACP Pradyuman himself??

He got this guy. B.P. "I created Friggin CID" Singh. He plays the head of RAW.

So savor that this geektastic trivia while I go try to get a life.

The Heart is a Butterfly

Much like Mansoor Khan , erstwhile Bollywood director of films like Akele Hum Akele Tum , Qayamat se Qayamat Tak etc I want a organic farm of my own in the hills of a South Indian hill town where the local tribals, garbed in shawls and monkey caps ,with folded hands would call me "Ayya" when I go out for my morning jog when the mist has yet not been conquered by the late sun of the hills. I will make my own cheese, honey, jam and bread and sell it to charcuteries and patisseries in the city. In the thin mountain air I will contemplate life and live the simplistic life of a self sufficient hermit.

I want to buy a large hiking/camping bag the kind European bag packers use when they go to Thailand and Indonesia , and I want to go to the south of France and hike around till I can finally advance from reading to speaking French. I want to grow out my beard so rough that people mistake me for a hermit or a Sikh. I want to make stop overs at Budapest , Spain and Italy and Poland. I will seek out and become an apprentice to a master vintner who has seven words in his name two of which are "de la". He must be the kind who actually puts the dirt in his mouth to see if the grapes are ready for plucking and can tell the time by the position of the sun. It would definitely help if he has an unwed daughter who, complete with her own subplot, yearns to a female matador.

I will then go to Argentina and learn jiujitsu and participate in underground cage fights with Brazilian Army Veterans and FARC runaways. Cage fights, not the kind where you fight to death , but definitely the kind where people bet on who wins and who ends up with a broken femur. I will train under a team of fighters whose Master takes a liking to me because of the "kindness" I show in the ring. I will develop a rivalry with his son who can never be good enough in front of his father and compete with him for the affection of the only female fighter in the team. In the after fight celebrations I will learn how to appreciate the local beer and the joys of a rare horse steak. Of course this will mean I will finally get to learn enough spanish to be able say something else than "una cafe con leche, por favor" or "ne habla mucho espanol" or "donde esta el banos" . I will be a polyglot who will be able to say polyglot in several languages.

Several months later , I will end up in a small village in Okinawa where I start learning Kendo & Kyudo under a Blind Sensei (obviously). At night when I stand famished and exhausted, under a flickering oil lamp, with the omnipresent silence of the countryside, he would tell me what I did wrong that day and slowly segue into the story of how he lost his eyes, a tale that would bring tears to my own and unravel parallel to my present situation with me as the protagonist instead of the master.

I will end my cliche-ridden exploits in Korea where a chance interference in a street fight to save an orphan from a organ trafficking ring will land me an apprenticeship with Kim Jee-woon, director extraordinaire and slowly I will come to the stark realization that the Serial Killer problem as shown in Korean movies is very much real and I will race against time to save an orphan (the same one as before) from a gang of competitive and techno savvy serial killers.

...and then I will be a man with stories to tell.

Cheeze Aumlette - 1

The Definition of Arjuntism

Spoonerism - A spoonerism is an error in speech or deliberate play on words in which corresponding consonants, vowels, or morphemes are switched.

Make Tea - Take me

Light a Fire - Fight a Liar

Arjuntism - An Arjuntism is an error in transcription where the first letter of a word is omitted if it is the same as the last letter of the previous word.

But the song was never repeated - But he song was never epeated.

Did the Android dream of electric cats? - Did the Android ream of electric ats?

Please Stop!

Infidel Husbands being set right by a random do-gooder should not be the plot of more than 1 movie.

I had the misfortune of watching Thank You over the weekend. Akshay Kumar should take the flute that he keeps playing throughout the movie and shove it up where the sun don't shine.

My Life as a Zombie

WARNING: Long Post

“What would you say was your defining American moment? An incident that was authentically and unabashedly American?”

Ask me that question. I dare you. No, I double dare you. Cause, I have the answer ready. It would be the day Obama won. I was still in university and living in a rundown apartment on top of a bar. It was right in the intersection of two busy roads and peeked over the happenings on the street. We were all huddled over a laptop, five Indian guys living in a tiny 3 bedroom apartment that was legally supposed to house only three. The moment it became clear that Obama had won my roommate Prem Singh jumped with joy and started pumping his fists in the air. He, who sported an American accent even before getting on the plane to get here and whose only dismay was that he could not vote to aid his fellow democrats. Soon, there were voices coming from the street below. We looked out to see the guy from the apartment across the street, perched on the ledge of his window, blasting the national anthem on his electric guitar. There were some other students out in the streets, but the most conspicuous was an ecstatic chubby spectacled girl with curly hair, standing smack in the middle of the intersection like a traffic policeman, jubilantly swinging her hands in the air, waving at cars whizzing by and shouting at the top of her voice “We got it right, We finally got it right”. With a little wardrobe changes they could have fit right in the 70’s. The Punk Rocker, up in his apartment, serenading the Flower Girl down below. A somewhat Romeo and Juliet reversal. Quintessentially American, almost stereotypical, reaffirming (and shouting) their faith in Truth, Justice and the American way.

Well the other night I had an experience that would rival this one as my most American experience. We cannot deny that the world we live in is dominated by American pop culture. As a former British colony, whatever links we had to British culture are being phased out, for better or worse, as time nudges us farther and farther from the early half of the 20^th century. Going by Shashi Tharoor’s definition of Soft power, America remains the mammoth yielding and submitting everyone to the sheer potency of its soft power. Naturally I would be excited to be part of anything related to popular culture and getting to be an extra in a Hollywood movie was a chance I was not going to pass on. Ok, so it was not a Hollywood movie, but a Not For Profit film being funded by a South Florida Film Initiative. And it was not a movie per se but a short film (Short for short), about 30 minutes long. But hey, Art cannot be bounded by temporal or spatial constraints, even though how a Post-Apocalyptic (PA) gore fest qualifies as art is up for debate. Yeah, I played a Zombie. Actually the technically correct term is The Living dead, from an unwritten rule in PA movies that the word Zombie is never uttered or used. The Infected, Walkers, Ghouls and Stiffs are also accepted.

So how did I get there? Well here I was trawling through craigslist, when I found this posting that wanted extras for a day’s shoot. Of course it was volunteer work, but I would have actually paid them just for getting in on the experience. So I showed up on set at the time prescribed by the Production Assistant, Tim, A University of Miami student, and part time film enthusiast. I soon found out everyone there on set was more or less helping out for free and the crew was mostly U of M students. But for the first time I found myself on a movie set, an abandoned bottling plant run rampant by extremely talented local Miami Grafitti artists. The place absolutely looked the cold , solitary, unforgiving terrain that the directors envisioned in their script.

I was quickly ushered in to the make up tent, and soon found myself sitting in front of the Make up artist, Giancarlo. Now the thing about Miami is that everyone speaks Spanish and 4 times out of 5 is from Cuba or one of the Central American countries. So When the kindly bearded Miami native told me he was friends with Somy Ali (Yes , Salman Khan’s Ex from the 90s, that Somy Ali) I was taken aback. But he was for real. Apparently she runs a charity in South Florida, having given up on the glitz and glamour of showbiz. Now, I have never had any kind of make up done. So I didn’t know what to expect. Giancarlo told me I was the first Indian face he was going to do up and so he was going to spend some time on me. Sure enough, I was there for a good thirty minutes and by the time I was done I was turning heads, as much as a zombie with flesh hanging from his cheek could. I also got a good idea why Alan Cumming never returned for X-men 3 and What Ron Perlman and Rahul Roy had to go through when they did Hell Boy and Junoon respectively. Sitting still with your eyes closed lips pursed is excruciatingly boring. But what was even more tortuous was still to come.

They say people who have learned music hear chords and ragas where mere mortals would just find a melody. It’s a different perspective that you gain when you find out what exactly goes on behind the curtains. And its something you cannot unsee. Well let me tell you apart from the cameras, lights and dollys what laymen don’t realize is the sheer excruciating amount of just standing around. Yes, you just stand around, twiddling your thumbs while they get the shot ready. Now I am not calling anyone inefficient. This is just how things roll. Things take time and naturally you have to wait. So here we were a rag tag team of volunteer zombies – a film student, a retired chemist, an ex-cop, a civil engineer and a truck driver among others, standing around with burnt faces, ripped cheeks and amputated limbs. But the real soul of the party had to be Carlos a guy who was just driving by in a car, who stopped at the commotion, just to ask what was going on and was roped in to play a zombie. He was just so enamored by everything that he volunteered to help out the remaining days of the shoot as well. By the end he was actually announcing to everyone that he wanted to be a full time actor!! Turns out anyone can play a zombie. You just have to growl and move around menacingly. And when your face is hidden beneath layers of fevicol-like substance you lose all inhibitions. The big question was, were they going for George Romero Zombies or Danny Boyle Zombies. Romero considered the father of the Zombie subgenre with his “..of the Dead” series had slow moving, zombies with legs dragging and hands held out, while Boyle popularized the raging, wild, sprinting zombie in 28 days later. Turns out rabid zombies are all the rage now. As a film enthusiast Post Apocalyptic films appeal to me because in essence they say that what you and I deem as important, even monumental could in an instant become entirely frivolous and superfluous. Think about it, one day you are worried about finishing up a report and the very next day you could be holed up in a house praying for your life. Talk about perspective shift! It reaffirms that relativity is the only truth in life.

The shoot lasted well into the wee hours of the morning. We shot four scenes where we just ran around chasing people or as we zombies call it “dinner” and getting shot at. A SFX team was brought in to perform several stunts which included firing several guns at us poor zombies and setting one of us on fire. I hear the same stunt team worked on a new Charlie’s Angel’s TV show set in Miami which would premiere in Fall of this year. Gun shots, even blanks, are ear-drum popping loud. And you definitely need ear plugs if you are at either end of the gun. Finally one of the PAs shouted “It’s a wrap, folks” and we all heaved sighs of relief. We just wanted to get out of there. Most of us had to work the next day and I briefly wondered whether being “the living dead ” would qualify me for sick leave. Good byes were said and Facebook ids exchanged. Tearing apart a live human together can apparently make you close to people. I knew getting off the makeup would be a pain. While I tore away all the prosthetics, the blood and decay still remained. Giancarlo recommended a hot shower and lots of soap. I did not want be pulled over by a cop looking like this. But the best part of the day was when I pulled up into a Taco Bell drive in window and scared the bejeezus out of the employee. Also, sadly taco bell does not serve human brains.

All you People in the Hoooouusee!!

How Matthew McConaughey can make Good Movies

Matthew McConaughey is mostly known for insipid romcoms. So how do we help the guy out? How do we get the guy to make good movies. I took a day off from work and did some thinking and came to the following conclusion. The only way Matthew McConaughey can make a good movie is if he plays a lawyer of some kind. Allow me to demonstrate:

Lawyer.Lawyer.Lawyer.Agent to a movie star.

Ok so he was not a lawyer in Tropic Thunder but an agent is a kind of arbitrator and some one who has a client so that counts.

Plus he is playing a DA in Richard Linklater's next dark Comedy - Bernie , so if that movie turns out to be any good, we know we've got a sure fire way of getting our boy into good movies.

10 Movies I want to watch in 2011

Better really really late than never. Here it is, the 10 (well around 10) movies I really really want to watch this year:

1) Sherlock Holmes : Game of Shadows


RDJr is a pleasure to watch in any movie that is not named Iron Man 2. The first one was hell of a fun ride especially the delicious chemistry between the leads. This one has Prof.Moriarty and Mycroft Holmes in it. Sweeet. Stephen Fry is playing Mycroft, Sherlock's older brother.

Trivia: Stephen Fry & Hugh Laurie were quite a comedy duo in the UK. Laurie's House is kind of like Sherlock Holmes in a hospital and there were plans to have Fry in a guest role as his more intelligent but unmotivated older brother ala Mycroft but that did not work out. Anyway he gets to play the actual Mycroft in :GoS

2) Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol


I like the MI series primarily because each of them has a different taste to it. The first one was very classy, exactly the kind of spy-on-the-run kinda movie I like. The second one sucked. The third was a thrill ride. While the 3rd one was being planned they actually had David Fincher on board with Kenneth Branagh, Carrie Ann Moss and Scarlett Johansen. It was about organ trading in Africa. Would have loved for that to happen. Anyway the new one has Anil Kapoor in it. Yay!!

3) X-men: First Class


Ok, technically the First class had Iceman, Jean Grey, Cyclops, Angel and Beast. But the movie only has Beast as part of the original lineup. I have several issues with the X-men trilogy, more so on the criminal under-use of several important mutants. But I am all aboard for this one.

The trailer was great, the cast is amazing and its directed by Matthew Vaughn who directed the kickass Kick-Ass. See what I did there? I used kickass as an adjective and a noun. Yes, I am awesome that way.

4) Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara aka Running with the Bulls


Hrithik Roshan, Abhay Deol and Farhan Akhtar in one movie!! Directed by the lady who brought us a modern day classic in the form of "Luck By Chance" - Zoya Akhtar. I am soo there. Apparently they wanted Ranbir and Imran alongside Hrithik but they refused. Their loss. I have said it before and I will say it again. The Akhtar family is the most genuinely talented family in Bollywood. They are so good they radiate talent. I am sure their Gardeners and Cooks are Horticultural and Culinary geniuses just because of their physical proximity to the Akhtars.

5) Ra.one/ Don 2


All that has me rooting for these two movies is just the photos that have been released. I really think these 2 films could be fun. My curiosity is definitely piqued. WHile I was not a big fan of the Don remake (though a big fan of AB's Don) I am very interested to know where this is going. Random Access ONE aka Ra.One is directed by an awful director. Anubhav Sinha did Cash and Kites. But the one sheet has me really really intrigued.

"Cash meri aankhon main, cash meri baahon main... "

Bet you will have the song stuck in your head all day now.

6) My Idiot Brother/Wanderlust/Bridesmaids/Bad Teacher


2010 was a slow year for the Apatow Camp, with only Get him to the Greek coming out. This year we have a Trifecta plus one. I dont think My Idiot Brother has anything to with Judd Apatow, but by the "Apatow Camp" I mean any films he produces/directs or those which star the posse of actors who he made famous. For eg , I Love You, Man is a movie from the "Apatow Camp" even though Judd Apatow or his beard had nothing to do with it. Bridesmaids and MIB have been really well received at festivals and I know Wanderlust cant be bad. I know that! KNOW IT! Also, go watch the hilarious Bad Teacher trailer if you haven't.

7) Scream 4


The Scream trilogy was a lot of fun, Randy the movie nerd was such an awesome character. Although there wasn't any actual need for a fourth movie, the trailer was fun, all the old players are back and there's a whole new addition of PYTs who get "gut like a fish". And hey it would be great to hear "Hello Sydney" in Ghostface's voice on the big screen.

8) Sucker punch


The trailer looks like a Rock-your-pants-rollicking-good time. Coming off from 300 and Watchmen , I would follow Mr.Snyder to the ends of the world. Well he is working on the next Superman which I am willing to bet a $1000 bucks is going to be absofrigginlutely amazing. But I still cant get my head around the silly looking and silly titled owl movie he did. You know, The legend of the Guardians: the Owls of Ga-hoole. The movie looks stupid but its got some solid reviews. Gotto watch it some time. Even though it looks silly. OK, I already said that.


9) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt II



If DH Pt I was the Beginning of the end. I guess this is the End of the End. Though the "Book is always better than the movie" rule holds true, I have found myself rather enjoying them ever since Voldemort attained a corporeal form. The half blood prince and DH PtI I really liked and more so because of how well the lovely friendship between Hermoine and Harry was portrayed. The scene in DH Pt1 when Ron's run off and they are all alone in the tent with no idea what to do, Harry puts on some music and they slow dance. Makes me go "Awwww". Bring DH Pt II on. I am all for it.

NOTE to the Universe: I don't ever say "Awwww" in real life. If I have and can't recall it, I would go back in time and slap my face just before I were to say it.

NOTE 2: "O, Children" By Nick Cave is the song, they dance to

10) Agent Vinod



The Return of Sriram Raghavan. After directing gems like Ek Hasina thi and Johnny Gaddar, where did he run off to? This has been in the making for a long long time. But its here, Finally. And i just love the movie title. Its simple yet intriguing.

I think Sriram is an awesome name, one that only Tmaizhans and Gultis seem to propogate.

11) The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo



With The Departed and the Infernal Affairs, I faced the dilemma of which to watch first. Ultimately I went with The Departed followed by the IA trilogy but they were all awesome pieces of cinema and I didnt feel cheated. Now I face the same problem. Should I read the book, watch the Swedish movie or wait for Fincher's version. I guess I will wait for Hollywood. Being able to watch it on the big screen is definitely the motivation.

12)The Immortal


We don't know this now, but when the trailer for this film will finally release , I am sure facebook and the internet in general would be set on fire. It will be a visual masterpeice. Exquisite images transformed into moving pictures. Something only Tarsem Singh is capable of as seen in The Cell and The Fall. You could just watch the trailer for The Fall all day long and not get bored. That 2 minute cut contains more class and talent than half of what comes out of Hollywood. The only downside is The Immortal stars Frieda Pinto. But its got Rourke and the new superman as well.



Also wanna watch: We bought a zoo, Contagion, Thor (Go Kenneth Branagh!), Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, Premium Rush, Hangover 2, Super 8, The Sitter, The Big Year, Captain America,Larry Crowne, The Beaver (I am predicting an Oscar nod for Gibson)

Intrigued: Green Lantern (the costume looks really silly and the trailer didn't do much for me) , Tower Heist, Fright Night, Now

How Good I am!!

Let me just tell you how good I am.

• So I was just thinking to myself how good a director Sriram Raghavan is. Johnny Gaddar and Ek Hasina Thi are some of the best Bollywood movies of the last decade.
• Then I think how good Ashwini Khalsekar was in Johnny Gaddar. She is the actress who played Inspector Asha in CID.
• Then I realize the guy who played Ins. Daya was also in Johnny Gaddar.
• And that Ins.Abhijeet was in Ek Hasina Thi as Saif Ali Khan's friend.
• Ergo Sriram Raghavan definitely had something to do with CID. I run over to imdb and sure as hell, Herr Raghavan directed several episodes of CID.

That's how good I am!!

Should we expect ACP Pradyuman to show up in Agent Vinod

If Bollywood were Hollywood we would have seen CID: The Movie long ago!

Ask and Thou shalt be answered

Dos Goals

I have two goals in life. Well I have many goals, many missions and achievements to make before them, but at the very end, it is these two goals that will eclipse the others because of their scale and repercussions.

The first is at the same time noble, vain, naive, ambitious and impressive. The second is just narcissistic, vain and laughable and somebody should slap me for being so ignorant. The first one first, naturally. I want to build a city. A city on the western coast of India, somewhere between Kerala and Karnataka, for their lush green forests, but closer to Karnataka for the western ghats. We will call it Indraprastha. Now there is already a suburb of Delhi that's called Indraprastha, but when we (I, my billionaire buddies (who meet every weekend for a game of squash) and a conglomerate of MNCs) are done with the city it will be The Indraprastha. Now what we will do is build a city with an artificial history. The beaches will be littered with unfinished mammoth sculptures, The forests with dilapidated ruins of temples and palaces. The city itself will be built part old world style and part skyscrapers and all that. There will be cobbled streets winding through narrow lanes amidst old havelis and villas. And there will be eurpoean style squares. Roundabouts, lots of them. Statues. And I can't emphasize the statues enough. There will be one at every junction telling the story of the ancient king Sanghamitra who ruled over Indraprastha, statues from the indian independence movement, famous Indian and world authors, religious figures , The world's largest standing and sleeping buddha, A statue of Christ that will dwarf the Redeemer, and of course The largest Arjuna-Krishna- crisis of conscience in the middle of Kurukshetra statue. Also a huge central park-ish park filled with references to the greatest and most beloved movies of all time. And of course there will be the mystery trail ala Davinci Code that runs through the city and with clues embedded everywhere. Aquarium with singapore style shows. Done. World class transit system - Done. Can you say LEED certified city?- Done. A huge SEZ around the city to bring in people.The world's largest renewable energy plants. Double done.We will even import Chinese, Polish and Jamaican people to develop encalves in the city to add an intl character to it. And imagine all this in India.

The Second one. When AXN first came out in India, they would show all these movies at 1pm weekdays that would have decent production values but no known actors. It was only later that I realized most of these were Direct to Video flicks or Canadian and Australian films. Now I remember 2 of them that had plotlines set in the near future in which the hero is on the run from the authority for various reasons only to realize in the end that he was cloned/ pulled from time to act as a vessel for an old rich man who wants to transfer his soul into the Hero's body. Freejack with Emilio Estevez and Mick Jagger was actually one of the better ones and I think I saw it on Star movies. Anyway, that's my second goal in life. I want to be immortal. There I said it. Its the saddest thing in the world that we age, wrinkle, whither and die. Laugh all you want, but I actually think it could happen. The Feb 21 Time magazine cover story proclaims 2045 to be the year when Man becomes immortal. Now I haven't read the story yet, but I am guessing its something like Freejack. Now either you could clone a human vessel for you to transfer into or you could build an android and transfer your essence into it. Or we find out how to turn off the aging button in our bodies. If everyone starts doing it I guess that means the end of human reproduction since no one is dying anymore , and if people keeping on making babies, you are going to have very crowded planet . So everyone accepts that or we decide to populate other planets and moons.

Now I saw some movie that said humans appreciate life more because we know how ethereal it is. I see myself as more of a Angel/Wolverine-type living through the ages until I get tired of it and disconnect the cord kind of guy.

That's it. Those are my two primary-have to do it before I die goals in life. Oh, Not dying is the second one.

Trivia:

Has anyone heard of the Gladiator 2 script that was commissioned by Russel Crowe. It had the Maximus character being resurrected by Roman gods as an immortal and we see him live through humainties biggest events. The film ends with him facing off a gorde of alien ships in a robot suit. The script was written by Nick Cave, the Aussie singer, and it supposedly it works very well as a tragedy about one man's loneliness.

10 Movies that need to be made in India

Now we can all agree that there is a lot that the Indian film industry can do in terms of improving its content, quality, world image .. a lot of things. Coming as we do from a country with such richness and diversity we cannot deny that there are millions of stories tumulting within our borders and our consciousness. I have put down a list of 10 movies that are essentially Indian tales that need to be told not only because they are deeply rooted in our culture but because they are in many ways a criminal under-use of our right to freedom of expression. History textbooks are nothing but propoganda machine. I for did not know that the Kashmir as we were shown in textbooks and maps only existed in 1947. Everyone goes about the Godhra riots and massacres and how the BJP is a communal force, but what about the 1984 riots and how the congress leaders were carrying out systematic lynching of Sikhs in the capital. No one accuses the Congress of being communalist , do they? (I am a congress voter btw). There is a genuine need to inform and educate. There is so much we do not know.And why is there no biopics or historical fiction being produced in India. Enough with alternate takes on the Mahabharata and Ramayana. The Indian Independence movement should fill the niche of WWII films in India. Lets not look at the past only, why not have fictional representation of India in the future (which is not called Love Story 5050). I was really exited about Shekhar Kapur's Paani set in a India with dire water shortage and how that had changed the political landscape, but that got stalled. Ok , so if I was a director or a Writer, the following 10 movies are what I would I make, or at least I would very much like someone to make films like these:

1) Sanjay

A biopic of Sanjay Gandhi. How different would India be had he survived past the 80s. His positioning as Indira's Heir. The conspiracy theories behind his death. His infamous "nasbandhi" vans. Maneka Gandhi and her fallout with Indira. You know who is perfect to play the role? Faroukh Sheikh. If they had made this in 1985

2) 1857

This should be a three parter or at least 2 films just because of the volume of tales to be told. How people from different parts of India banded together to put Zafar back on the throne and revive the Mughal empire. For a while the dream seemed possible, and then it was so sadly squashed by the Company whose soldiers were all Indians too. Let's show the whole truth and not be squeemish on details. Like how Mangal pandey is not quite the hero he is shown to be, how there some mutineers who raped English women, the massacres of the mutineers that followed and how Zafar was exiled to rangoon, but not before being presented with the heads of his children on a platter.

3) Nehru

The true heir of Gandhi.The man credited for keeping India together. The man who according to Ramachandra Guha , was the leader that a diverse loosely cohesive nascent state needed to survive, without whom we would have disbanded into independant states and monarchies. There was a Hollywood movie being made about his love affair with Edwina Mountbatten but which is now on the backburner, partly I hear due to objections by the Indian Government. The NAM, shimla pact and of course his daughter.

4) Bharat 2100 AD

A future where ,the fall of the western civilization has led to the sanskritization of India. A blade runner like dystopic future, where technology coexists with vedic texts and dhotis. And it rains all the time. And we follow a cop (kotwal/subedar/senapati?) as he tries to hunt down a serial killer who has delusions tat he is Arjuna from the Mahabharata and has visions of Krishna asking him to kill in the name of dharma. Formulaic?? But you have to admit you have never seen this landscape and setting on screen.

5) The Four deaths of the Mahatma aka Who killed the Mahatama

Tushar Gandhi wrote a book on the several assassination attempts on the Mahatma. one of them was by Godse himself. Gandhiji had a talk with him when after the failed attempt he was caught but could not take away the hatred in his heart. He eventually succeeded. The place where it happened is actually walking distance from my place in Delhi.

6) Emergency

Maybe just make a miniseries on the entire Gandhi clan and be done with it, but this iconic dynasty is undeniably the true first family of India and filled with interesting characters. Indira Gandhi's rule will forever be remembered for the dark period our country went through. The players who engineered the fall of democracy and the people who fought back, the extrajudical killings and the people who disappeared. These are tales that need to told.

7) Khalistan

Before Kashmir, there was Khalistan. The first truly violent Secessionist movement of India. The golden temple attack, Indira's assassination and the 1984 riots. Sad times for the country.

8) Lal Salaam

The story of a youth who runs away and joins a Maoist group and the rise and fall of the group through his eyes. There are no good guys. Only people with agendas.

9) Nagaland Noir

A movie set completely in the North East. A 40ish private eye sleepwalks through his life in a small town near Kohima until the death of a girl throws him into the middle of the timber mafia and the ULFA. Is that Noir enough for you? I would totally see this movie. Why do we forget that these states are a part of us. The day when we incorporate them into our popular culture is that day we have arrived as a united and inclusive nation.

10) Ayodhya

The incident that brought shame to our nation, our democracy and our so called secularity. How the government stood around while "activists" defiled a place of worship.

Did you know:

1) Jinnah , the creator of an entire nation has no direct Pakistani descendents. His direct descendents are all Indians. How? because his only daughter married an Indian industrialist from the Wadia family, owner's of Bombay Dyeing. Preity Zinta's ex Ness Wadia is Jinnah's great grandson.

2) Edwina Mountbatten wished to be buried at sea and Nehru sent two indian naval ships to accompany her body

3) Lord Mountbatten was assassinated by the IRA.

4) So so sad : http://www.ahrchk.net/pub/pdf/mof.pdf

Best Casting ever

Sacha Baron Cohen playing Freddy Mercury in a biopic.

Suspiciously Similar

Now I am no one to pass judgment on James L. Brooks' new movie, but How Do You Know has almost identical protagonists to his spectacular 1987 film Broadcast News. Same dogs, new tricks?? I will find out this evening, I have a free pass!!




Heck, Nicholson is wearing the exact same coat, can you believe it??